Friday was not a good day. At work, everything that could go wrong did (and a few things that could not did too.) To make things even better, the restaurant we went to for dinner didn’t have Maker’s Mark or Southern Comfort or Knob Creek or Woodford Reserve – leave it to a Mexican restaurant to have no decent booz. Making it “the” perfect day, I went bowling that night with a few friends and posted a monster “97” on my first round (they did have Southern Comfort – my sole consolation.) In round 2, I finally said, “screw it” and played for max velocity rather than max score. (My best that round was 23MPH with a 14-pound ball. Any harder, and I might’a killed someone.)

Now it’s Monday and things are getting gooder and gooder!

I can’t say too much in here (since Simon brought in a Director-level guy who may or may not be reading) but I can say this: my beloved employer isn’t happy with me – and the reason for their unhappiness is a series of events they instigated. Here’s a nice analogy: my son is playing Xbox in the den on my new 52-inch DLP TV (which I like very much) and I walk in, take a lamp off the table, smash my new TV into tiny pieces, piss on the broken TV and the furniture and the dog - then gripe at him for the breaking and the pissing and demand he immediately make restitution – or be killed. Needless to say, I am a not-so-happy member of corporate America today. And in the analogy, I am the piss-ee, not the piss-er

And should any Directors of VPs stumble upon my humble abode, know this; if you see nothing and her nothing, it’s me.


I need a new job! If anyone knows of openings in the greater Houston area in either the food service or housekeeping industries, I’ll forward my CV.

Life is far too short to be this pissed off.

Not much time today, actually have to work.

I heard the run-away bride (we refer to her as the Tard Queen) has checked into a mental hospital. She says she needs to heal body and mind after she "ran away from herself." If she thinks that ridiculous description will make it all better, she's more stupid than I thought. Though, in her defense; if I were herself, I might run away from -- myself -- too, or something.
Whomever the moron is still bent on marrying Ms. Psychotard, best wishes. But just remember, when late one night you awaken to find your doting bride standing over you with a chainsaw saying, "It's the only way to set you free"; on that night, remember, I told you so, Stupid!

No more time for now.

And, just so you know, this is the kinda day I'm having.

A friend wanted to go see Kingdom of Heaven so we went Friday night. If you are thinking of seeing the movie, I’ll save you the trouble and the $6.50.

If Al Jazeera were to make a movie about the Crusades, this would be it – or theirs might be slightly less pro-Muslim. In this fine feature film, Europeans are barbaric, faithless, religious zealots with no morals, no honor, and no character – and the worst among them, the “men of God.” In contrast, the Muslims are fair, honorable, moral, and noble men of great character and insight.

The hero figure, Orlando Bloom, is a European blacksmith who goes on the Crusade to free his wife from hell, to receive forgiveness for murdering a priest, and to fulfill his oath to his father. Throughout the film, he makes certain the audience has heard him say God has abandoned him. Those whom God has not abandoned murder indiscriminately and some decide to convert to Islam saying they will repent later. Throughout the film, Muslims are hailed as noble men of great character and moral conviction.

I cannot believe I was stupid enough to pay $7.00 for a Hollywood rendering of the Crusades. In hindsight, it could be nothing other than what it is: a condemnation against the West and Christianity, and an unabashed endorsement for the religion of peace and moral absolutes.

If this review helped prevent your wasting $7.00 or more on a worthless movie, please contribute to the “Jeff spent his hard-earned money watching this movie so he could tell you not to make the same mistake” fund. Send contributions to Rancid Koolaid’s PayPal account.



I recently read an article saying tourism experts were expecting catastrophic consequences due to our heightened security concerns and policies following 9/11. It seems, due to more strict visa policies, some are being prevented from entry into the US and, in that prevention, are taking their money elsewhere

“Mr Dow stressed that tourism contributed to a positive perception of the US, which spread across to business. “If we don't address these issues in tourism, the long-term impact for American brands Coca-Cola, General Motors, McDonald's could be very damaging,” he said.
The plea echoed that of other industry trade organizations which say bureaucratic visa procedures and stringent security after the September 11 terrorist attacks have deterred business travelers and foreign students. “The idea has gotten out that we've pulled in the welcome mat,” said Rick Webster, the association's director of government affairs.”


O, no, the news is out: the US does not welcome terrorists.

So, if I am to understand the problem: we need to relax security policies so that those wishing to destroy our nation can get in with more ease? If we don’t allow the terrorists more access, the corporate images of Coca-Cola, GM, and McDonald’s may suffer? Greed is a terrible thing but seems to be our national hobby.

A friend of mine has recently informed me that the theory of evolution is dead – let us see if he can validate that claim emphatically.

Evolution is the theory that gene frequency changes over time.

The foundation of evolution is a principle Darwin called natural selection, of which the main component is differential reproductive success. Basically, all this means the following:

A given population will demonstrate stable allelic frequency over time provided the following criteria are met (Hardy-Weinberg Equilibrium)
1. Infinite population size
2. Random mating
3. No migration
4. No mutation
5. No selection pressure

Obviously, this never occurs naturally; therefore, changes within the population are due to one or more of the listed factors intervening (this assumes sexual replication of a diploid organism.)

At the heart of differential reproductive success is competition. Differences within specific individuals of a population will impart advantages or disadvantages in specific circumstances – evolution is driven by the present environment.

The process functions as such – an example of Darwin’s finches: A certain population of finches occupies a specific niche within its native environment. At some point, one female finch hatches an offspring with a defective beak – much larger than the other finch’s beaks. At birth, this proves neither advantageous nor disadvantageous as the parents feed the offspring and beak size and/or shape is irrelevant – the bird only needs a hole into which the parents can drop food.

As our disfigured finch matures and eventually leaves the nest to feed on its own, it cannot effectively burrow into trees for insects; however, its larger beak is idea for cracking seeds. As none of the other finches within the population can crack seeds (it is not what their beak does best), our new finch finds and exploits a new niche within the finch population.

As his fellow finches compete for a scarce resource (bugs burrowed in trees), our little finch finds an abundant food source with virtually no competition. As such, this finch grows faster than the other finches and suffers none of the physical hardships due to scarcity and competition. This finch eventually breeds with another of its population and, due to the nature of genetics, produces offspring – some with the old beak shape and some with the new beak shape. As these finches grow, those with the larger beaks enjoy the same advantages as their larger-beaked parent (little competition, plentiful food supply) while their siblings compete for scarce insects.

Over time, the larger-beaked finches will differentiate from their previous population and will congregate into a new, discrete population. As time passes, the 2 populations will diverge in their normal population development and natural (and quantifiable) changes within the genetic composition of the populations will change to a degree that prevents individuals from one population from breeding with the parent population – a process called speciation.

This is a very simple, very narrow example of the process of evolution as dictated by change in gene frequency caused by differential reproductive success. Populations also experience changes in gene frequency due to the other factors listed above.


Exactly which part of this process, John, has been proven false and remanded to the dustbin of history?

1. Those who say material possessions cannot buy happiness have never seen my new television.

2. I cannot text message while driving - at least not very well.

3. The business world cannot be conquered through conference calls and worthless reports.

4. Hour-old double quarter-pounders with cheese (without pickles) taste like ass - but aren't as bad as hour-old, cold fries.

5. 36-inch Sony CRT televisions are much heavier than you'd think.

6. Bose speakers, when dropped from a height of 7 feet, will bounce once but not break.

7. You get what you pay for.

8. Nothing sounds quite like an AR-15 going off in an enclosed space - and few things are more fun than emptying a 30-round clip into a "hostage scenario" target in under 15 seconds and knowing that each round that went through the hostage would still have struck the guy holding her.

9. Restaurants with pick-up windows typically staff that position with the ugliest, stupidest person in their employment. This one baffles me, but I learned long ago that things could be true without my accepting or understanding them..


Things I expect to learn within the next 24 hours.

1. If South Park and Dave Chapel are just as funny in up-converted 16:9 big-screen as they were before.

2. If I can eat 2 Chick Filet sandwiches and 12 nuggets in less time than it takes Blade to kill 5 vampires.

3. If I, a corporate America stooge, can lose my job for watching too many movies when I should be working.