My last post chronicled a boring day - and this week has seen anything but boring days. O for the nostalgic days of old, when bad corporate leadership and the need for fresh paint on the house were my only real problems in life.


As my esteemed moron friend alluded to a tree, I’ll tell you, my faithful few: a 45 foot, 2 ton oak which once graced my back yard with shade and leafage was, for a time, relocated to the top of my house, and now sits in a landfill somewhere. And, did I mention I hope that tree burns in hell?

The great oak picked Monday morning, about 7:30 AM, to fall - square on my freak'in house. Fortunately, we had all slept a little late on Monday (Sunday night booz’in will do that to ya), since the tree ripped the corner edge off a second-floor bedroom (my 3-year-old son's room) and came to rest over the kitchen - well, actually, mostly over the kitchen and somewhat in the kitchen.

A 2-ton tree falling on your house makes a distinct sound!

Prior to the insurance guy getting here, I considered smashing a few windows my wife doesn't particularly like and maybe saying, "my speakers just happened to be in the kitchen, right under where the tree fell! Guess you’ll be buying me new ones." Who could say for sure they were not?


Alas, honesty has hampered my capacity to screw the corporations and get more stuff at the expense of my fellow insured folk.

I have much for which to be thankful. The 2-ton tree came to rest less than 5 feet from my son's bed (it actually pressed in his wall and deposited a little drywall in his bed with him.) The single thing my wife hated about our house was a drop ceiling in the kitchen, and now it's mostly - well - dropped. My new car missed certain doom by a few feet, my new television was completely unmolested (thankfully), and the dog was only slightly upset - much less so than the wife.

Eventually I'll post pictures. Suffice it to say, it was a huge-ass tree. And trees do not belong in houses – at least not 45-foot, 2-ton trees.


And, worst of all, my lovely bride has taken this opportunity to capitalize on the immediate need to remodel. So though only the roof, framing, and ceiling were damaged, new flooring is needed – as are new countertops – to console her otherwise overwhelming grief at the loss of the drop ceiling.

As I recently told a female friend: women are impossible, but the alternative is too terrible to contemplate.

- Today I got a haircut, a much-needed haircut. There's something about having a hot, 18-year-old redhead wash my hair that just seems to make everything a little more tolerable. She was good! And did I mention she was hot?

- The handle on my 8-inch, serrated bread knife has finally worn out so I went to buy another knife. I got one of these - and I'd highly recommend it to anyone needing a nice, well-balanced, serrated knife. As my wife has both a knife dysfunction and a weakness for the sight of blood (hers or anyone else's), I asked her to be especially careful with the new instrument of destruction.

As I cannot comprehend the inner works of the female mind, I cannot explain what happened, only report it: she took some fresh sour dough bread from the frig, tore a piece off, and used my new, excessively sharp bread knife to spread butter on the piece of bread - and in the process, she cut herself. Not only was I able to appreciate the sharpness of my new, bad-ass knife, I also got to try out our new liquid band aid - which worked very well considering all the jumping and squirming and whining.

- I understand the general media is upset with the White house for suggesting Newsweek get it right. They call it "telling Newsweek what to print." I'd say Newsweek got the story wrong and ignored the established military policies for dealing with articles of religious significance. The White House suggested Newsweek tell the parts of this story they left out, and the media is now upset. If there is one thing I hate more than hippies, it’s the whiny media (but I hate hippies allot too.) Newsweek failed to notice or make mention of the provisions US forces have made to allow Muslims to practice their religion - provisions not owed them and not guaranteed under the Geneva Convention (as these combatants do not qualify as "military personnel" under Convention definitions.) At the end of the day, Newsweek reported a story the now admit was wrong, people died, the White House has asked that they set the record straight, and Newsweek and the media in general are pissed off that someone called them out for lying and asked them to tell the truth.

Again, our nation is circling the drain, I hate hippies, and I really like redheads.

First CBS publishes obviously fraudulent reports smearing Bush; now Newsweek retracts a story critical of the Bush administration saying their sources were not documented well enough. Yea: no media bias these days. I ended my subscription to Newsweek a few years ago for just this crap. If I want someone to lie to me about politics and social issues, I’ll talk to a local democrat – no need to pay money to an organization bent on convincing me that reality is love and peace and enlightenment, running hand-in-hand with my Muslim brothers into the sunset. And, in case you were wondering, I really have no problem with flushing a Koran down the toilet; I do hope its owner was still holding it when the event occurred. Spit on the Bible, no problem; flush a Koran and riots ensue: no wonder our nation is circling the drain.


I found an article saying, basically, our entire military is deserting on the grounds of conscience. A quote,

“The case of Sgt Benderman and those of others like him has focused attention on the thousands of US troops who have gone Awol (Absent Without Leave) since the start of President George Bush's so-called war on terror. The most recent Pentagon figures suggest there are 5,133 troops missing from duty. Of these 2,376 are sought by the Army, 1,410 by the Navy, 1,297 by the Marines and 50 by the Air Force. Some have been missing for decades."

Note to “The Independent”: when attributing certain acts and consequences to a specific individual or administration, try to make the data fit the dates. Bush has been in office for 5 years now and you are attributing to his “War on Terror” desertion numbers you admit are up to 2 decades old.

I have another story I think you might like to report: “every single person who has ever voted Republican either has died or will die one day”. Here’s another story: “There is a non-zero probability that Hillary Clinton will be elected President on the United States” These and other great story ideas will be available soon at “MISLEADING_INFORMATION.COM”


If there is one thing at which I excel, it is determining the exact mechanism through which all human beings suck ass. In light of my talents and current market trends; I must become what I hate to be truly happy – I will be a Consultant!

I can go from company to company, charging millions to explain why they suck and what they need to do to not suck in the future. Companies today are run by morons, greed is the motivation for all things, and long-term viability is sacrificed for short-term revenue and the “cashing out.” If your company sucks ass, have them contact me and request the .Rancid Koolaid Consultation on How to Not Suck Ass

Friday was not a good day. At work, everything that could go wrong did (and a few things that could not did too.) To make things even better, the restaurant we went to for dinner didn’t have Maker’s Mark or Southern Comfort or Knob Creek or Woodford Reserve – leave it to a Mexican restaurant to have no decent booz. Making it “the” perfect day, I went bowling that night with a few friends and posted a monster “97” on my first round (they did have Southern Comfort – my sole consolation.) In round 2, I finally said, “screw it” and played for max velocity rather than max score. (My best that round was 23MPH with a 14-pound ball. Any harder, and I might’a killed someone.)

Now it’s Monday and things are getting gooder and gooder!

I can’t say too much in here (since Simon brought in a Director-level guy who may or may not be reading) but I can say this: my beloved employer isn’t happy with me – and the reason for their unhappiness is a series of events they instigated. Here’s a nice analogy: my son is playing Xbox in the den on my new 52-inch DLP TV (which I like very much) and I walk in, take a lamp off the table, smash my new TV into tiny pieces, piss on the broken TV and the furniture and the dog - then gripe at him for the breaking and the pissing and demand he immediately make restitution – or be killed. Needless to say, I am a not-so-happy member of corporate America today. And in the analogy, I am the piss-ee, not the piss-er

And should any Directors of VPs stumble upon my humble abode, know this; if you see nothing and her nothing, it’s me.


I need a new job! If anyone knows of openings in the greater Houston area in either the food service or housekeeping industries, I’ll forward my CV.

Life is far too short to be this pissed off.

Not much time today, actually have to work.

I heard the run-away bride (we refer to her as the Tard Queen) has checked into a mental hospital. She says she needs to heal body and mind after she "ran away from herself." If she thinks that ridiculous description will make it all better, she's more stupid than I thought. Though, in her defense; if I were herself, I might run away from -- myself -- too, or something.
Whomever the moron is still bent on marrying Ms. Psychotard, best wishes. But just remember, when late one night you awaken to find your doting bride standing over you with a chainsaw saying, "It's the only way to set you free"; on that night, remember, I told you so, Stupid!

No more time for now.

And, just so you know, this is the kinda day I'm having.