1. You drive one of these




2. You own one of these




3. You want one of these


Act accordingly.

It ain't about respect or equality or "harassment. I do not what it is about, but I know what it ain't.

You see, I was on an air plane yesterday and a very hot (hottest I've ever seen) flight attendant called me "sweetie", and later called me "honey." I tried to feel harassed and violated, I just couldn't. Did I mention she was hot?

Maybe that's it: sexual harassment is something only unattractive people can do, it wasn't harassing BECAUSE she was attractive. If she were ugly and fat, perhaps I'd be filing a complaint with Continental Airlines today, but she ain't, so I'm not.

So, this begs the obvious question: how much "harassing" can I do (as a function of my attractiveness) without crossing a proverbial line?

Additionally, and any female reader can chime in here, do the same rules apply from the female perspective? If "honey" and "sweetie" are acceptable for women to say to men, are they acceptable for men to say to women?

Is "sugar-pants" over the line?

So, a black President, a retarded Director of Homeland Security, a Latino Supreme Court Justice, and a lesbian mayor sit down for a meeting. The meeting agenda: discover exactly how ball-less the white man has become.

“Let’s tell him searching white people will make air travel safer for everyone. Tell him he’s a selfish bastard for sacrificing national security for his convenience”

“Let’s tell him it’s racist and wrong to scrutinize the very small demographic responsible for all acts of terrorism on air planes over the past 20 years. Whitey has a powerful fear of being called a racist.”

“Let’s tell him terrorist acts ARE NOT terrorist acts. Play the “racism” card as needed, Whitey don’t like being called a racist.

“He’ll buy it, he’s ball-less.”

“Then let’s redistribute his wealth, take away his rights, and pass new laws behind closed doors that make him repay the world for his imperialistic ways.”

And the punchline: You, Whitey, are the punchline!

For those who don’t know me, I am 6”5’, 210 pounds, white, and a Marine. And today I wear a jacket with an American flag over the heart.

While passing through air port security this morning, an Arab walked through ahead of me, and they frisked ME! An Arab, probably 25, who maybe paid for his ticket in cash, who probably had no luggage, who almost definitely had “Mohammed” in his very long name, was deemed not a threat and I was the security risk.

Then, just before boarding the plane, my bag was searched. Poorly.

The policy of “illusion of security” has now been expanded to “tell the idiots who elected this Administration ‘Thank You’ by lying to their faces and implementing policies that utterly fail at increasing security or national defense.”

To those who elected this guy, thanx for that last nail in the coffin.

Another year has ended, that always makes me somewhat introspective: did I do anything last year worthy of remembering?

For the past 5 yeas, I have moved ever closer to a thorough(er) realization that we each get just one chance at life. The largeness of the universe, the fragility of life, the seemingly incomprehensible "human condition'; these are concepts easy to accept but difficult to comprehend - or maybe everyone else is much smarter than me.

With one year gone, we have all moved a wee bit closer to the grave; it's something to remember daily, but it tends to become so much more relevant around the year's end.

I'll try to be more cheery in the coming days, but today is all about accepting the inevitability of the dirt nap.

The reality of what happens after that is anyone's guess (and, my guess is everyone else's guess is wrong) and someday we will all have the details.